You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
