Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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