yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you win again, gameday.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
