Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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