I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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