Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Randomize
