Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
