The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
