the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
