I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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