did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
