my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
