Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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