I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
