that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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