I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
