My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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