We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
