I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
