he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
