I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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