So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize