I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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