Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
