Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I just found a bag of teeth...
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
