I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
