Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
