My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
