I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
