i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
