what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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