no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
My ass is underappreciated
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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