break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
The police scanner is talking about you again....
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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