she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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