two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
