I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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