If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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