I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize