careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
