FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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