If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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