The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
