I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize