Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
