can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
