In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
