You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
