I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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