How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
