Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
