Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
