M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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