At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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