But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
