Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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