and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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