he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I don't think brook has ever known best
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
