Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I have demons in me.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
