I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
