I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize