you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
