Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
