hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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