Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
