Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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