dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize