I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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