You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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