some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize