Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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