so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
