Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Randomize
