she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
