this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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