I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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