I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
