So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
it glows. i had to have it.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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