I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
