The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
