and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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