All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
