well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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