it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Actions speak louder than pants.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
