five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
