hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize