Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
