woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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