Pregnant stripper...not hot.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
porn star boner night. come get it.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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