somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
