I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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