Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
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