There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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