well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
