he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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