you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
