why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
