I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Never joke about your clitoris.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
