His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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