So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
We are two peas in an std pod
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
