Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
