Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
